Good causes

My friend Kim is running in another marathon! I posted on her first marathon here. This time she is flying to San Francisco to participate in a marathon to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Kim teaches kindergarten and her friend and teaching partner was recently diagnosed with lymphoma so this is a cause that is very near and dear to her heart. Please go to Kim's page HERE to read more and, if you wish, to make a contribution.


The Yarn Harlot posted today on a subject that I also feel strongly about: breastfeeding. One of her readers is collecting knitted infant hats to give to new moms in lower income families to help promote breastfeeding. As all the medical evidence suggests, breastfeeding is certainly the most perfect food for a baby, and studies have shown that breast milk even helps babies fight off certain illnesses, as well as reduces the infant mortality rate. Lower income families cannot always afford adequate medical care and sadly, often don't have access to the support needed to breastfeed successfully. If you would like to raise awareness of this problem by donating some knitted hats, please either email the Yarn Harlot (email on the page I linked to above) or feel free to email me.

No use crying over spoiled milk

I have 2 more things to add to the things that make me NOT so happy list in yesterday’s post:

• Eight ounces of expressed breast milk down the drain because I forgot to take the bottles to daycare. Which really wasn’t a problem because I could just put them in the fridge when I got home. Except that I forgot to do that too. I realized at 5:00 this morning and had a nice little cry. I know it’s not going to hurt the baby to have formula today, but I was mad at myself because my freaking brain seems to be switched off.
• Ok, this one is more a confession than anything else. But it makes the list because I’m so not happy about it. I watched a good portion of the Dateline Britney Spears interview with Matt Lauer the other evening. I didn’t intend to, it just sort of happened. I had no interest in it, but I walked through the living room and it was on and the next thing I knew I was sitting there watching it and, get this, getting all teary eyed when she started crying and saying, “We’re people…” Now, no disrespect to anyone who likes Britney, but I have never really been a fan. I like some of her music, but I’ve always thought she was a little bit of a tart (to put it nicely). So for me to sit and watch her on TV is a big deal. But to cry along with her? Can I still blame that on hormones or have I crossed over to a dark place?

Despite all the items I have on the NOT so happy list, things really are going pretty well in my little world. I promise.

Just things...

Things that make me happy:

• Baby smiles and coos. Seriously, is there anything else better in the world than having a baby smile at you? Or coo? When she’s really alert, she makes the most adorable faces and pumps her arms excitedly and coos. It totally makes me forget about most of the things on the NOT so happy list below.
• My cousin is having a baby in the near future and in looking for a pattern to make for her new arrival, I am feeling inspired to knit again. I love knitting because it helps me go to a very Zen place. Until I make a mistake, but this is the happy list so we won’t go there.
• The Yarn Harlot is coming to Oklahoma City in July! KatyaR and I have already RSVP’d for the book signing reception and the husband has already told me he will babysit. Now I just have to decide whether I’ll take a sock in progress that I’ve already started (such as Braden’s Batman socks or the toe-up socks for hubby) or start some new ones. Decisions…

Things that make me NOT so happy:

• Two different people yesterday asked me when my baby is due. I guess that’s just the push I needed to make a lifestyle change. It’s about time I finally do something about my weight. And I’m not talking about the 24 pounds of baby weight (of which I only have 7 left). I’m talking about the 60-70 pounds of fat that I have been carrying around for about as long as I can remember. To celebrate my new resolve to lose weight, I ate a package of Grandma’s vanilla sandwich cookies and washed it down with a sugary Sprite.
• The boy decided to wait until just recently to show us his jealous side. If you are holding the baby (which you must do frequently – babies like to be held, and let’s not forget about nursing), he will barrage you with “Look at me” or “Mom, look at this” over and over and over until you want to rupture your eardrums with knitting needles. Then he starts acting up and doing things to get in trouble because even negative attention takes attention away from the baby. All I can say is that I hope this stage doesn’t last very long because he’s inches away from my last nerve.
• My husband is leaving Sunday for Kansas City to do some training for work. He will be gone almost a week. A WEEK, people! A week by myself with the sweet baby and the jealous crackhead driving me crazy. I hope he sends reinforcements.
• At work yesterday I went downstairs to get the mail and when I got back to my desk, my boss was sitting there reading my email inbox. He made comments like, “KatyaR sure is emailing you a lot.” Even though I could feel my blood pressure spike, I was able to restrain myself from saying something that I would dearly regret. Well, actually that’s wrong. I don’t think I would regret SAYING something to him, but I would regret not having the money this job pays.
• Two words: sleep deprivation. I’m very lucky in that she only wakes me up once a night and I'm really starting to get used to it, but damn it messes with the brain. Memory? What’s that?

I know there are more things to add to the lists but I have to stop there because I can’t remember what they were now.

Birthday wishes

My good friend KatyaR had a birthday yesterday. Please join me in wishing her a Happy Belated Birthday!

Back at work

I went back to work this week. On Monday I was extremely tired and numb feeling, and I think that helped me get through the day without being a weeping puddle of goo. It was hard to go back to work after I had my son, but this time is different. This time it just feels wrong. I feel like I should be home with her and not handing her over to strangers who feed her and hold her and nurture her all day. That should be MY job. On my lunch hour I am going to the daycare and nursing her, but it’s not enough to change the way I feel. I didn’t feel this strongly about staying home with my son and I don’t know why. Although I’m sad, it is getting a little easier each day. And don’t get me wrong – I’m grateful that the ladies at the daycare take good care of her and hold her all day and nurture her. I just wish it was me. So until the hubby gets a huge ass raise or we win the lottery, I’ll be at work and hating every minute of it. But hey, at least now I have time to get caught up on all the blogs I read.


Confession
Remember a couple of months ago when I was talking about a pregnant coworker and how her doctor was concerned because she wasn’t gaining enough weight and he thought her baby was going to be too small? Well, it turns out she had her baby the day before me and her little girl weighed MORE than ours. Not much (4 ounces), but it still counts. And I had gained a very healthy 24 pounds, had a ginormous belly, and my doctor was estimating we were having a seven pounder. Which just goes to show you that sometimes doctors don’t really know what is going on in a pregnant belly. So now out of guilt for being so judgmental I am confessing and driving away all the bad karma.


A recent exchange at my house:
The phone rings and it’s hubby’s work with some bad news. We hear yelling and expletives from the next room.
Me: (thinking) Dude, please. Your son can hear you.
Braden: Oooooohhh, Dad, you said “shit!” You’re not supposed to say “shit.”
Dad: (ignoring him) more yelling at the person on the phone
Braden: Mom, Daddy said “shit!”
Me: I know. I heard him. That wasn’t very nice, was it?
Braden: No, that was naughty!
Me: Yes, it was. You need to tell Daddy that’s not appropriate when he gets off the phone.
Braden: Uh-huh.
Dad hangs up the phone.
Braden: Dad, that was naughty. You’re not supposed to say “shit.”
Dad: You’re right, son. I’m sorry.
Me: Yeah, don’t let us catch you saying that again or you’ll be sitting on the naughty spot.
It was actually much funnier when it happened than as I read it now…

Still here

So many times lately I’ve wanted to sit down and update the blog, but I’ve only had one hand free, which is a colossal pain in the ass when it comes to typing. I can manage short emails fairly easy, but not typing a long post. And why do I only have one free hand? Because Kelsey thinks she needs to be held. All. Day. Long. And preferably with a boob in her mouth. So although I’m not getting much time to myself, I’m happy to report that she is getting nice and fat. I took her to the Lactation Department at the hospital for a weight check on Tuesday and she was already up to 8lbs 1oz. My girl is a chow hound. So hopefully since she’s gaining weight so well we’ll be able to get on a schedule SOON. And even though I’m extremely sad that this is my last week at home, there’s a part of me that is looking forward to going back to work on Monday because it will give me a much needed break. The husband tries to help out when he’s home (which isn’t often), but she doesn’t want him because he doesn’t have magical boobs.

I’m not quite ready for meds just yet and I’ll explain why. I’m not going all Tom Cruise here or anything because I’ve been down the medication road twice in my life and it was extremely beneficial. However, the weaning off the meds process was unbelievably difficult for me and I’m not sure I’m ready to go there again just yet. It’s almost as if I felt worse trying to slowly wean off the meds than I did before I started taking them in the first place. So I’d like to consider that my last resort when I just can’t stand the way I feel anymore. And even though I may have occasional bad days right now, I’m definitely not to that point. I think right now if I could just get some good quality sleep and a couple of hours to myself to do whatever I wanted, I’d be a new woman.

The boy started a new daycare and the transition went frighteningly well. On the first day he stood just inside the classroom door and kept telling me, “I don’t want to go play.” I said that was fine, he didn’t have to play. The teacher kept asking him if he liked dinosaurs, cars, puzzles, etc. and the answer was always no. Then she said, “You’re just in time for a snack and we’re going to eat outside. Do you like to play outside?” He said yes and then turned to me and said, “Thanks, mom.” The tone of his voice was one of “Thanks, mom, I can take it from here.” So I told the teacher, “I think that’s my cue to leave.” Never would I have imagined it would have gone that smoothly. He really seems to like it there and the teachers there aren’t telling me how horrible he is every day so this is probably just the change he needed.

What else has been happening? Oh yeah, I ordered a couple of nursing bras from BabyCenter.com and I noticed something funny. On each web page they had a box with shipping deadlines for Father’s Day. I’m sure it’s a standard box on every page, but it still cracked me up that it was on the nursing bra pages. Is that really a good idea for a Father’s Day gift? I suppose some nursing bras could be considered sexy, but in our house nothing says “My girls are off limits to you for at least a year” like a nursing bra.

And my free time is almost up so I’ll leave you with some pictures.

The photo we used for her birth announcement:


Braden in his Spider-Man flotation suit and goggles and water-squirting gloves from Auntie Katya:


My new favorite picture: