Stress

So much for keeping my blog updated. I have so many posts swirling around in my head that I don’t even know where to start. I guess I can start with the thing that is most pressing on my mind lately: stress. I am so tired of feeling stressed and irritable. I think it’s a combination of a lot of things, but mostly it’s sleep deprivation and dealing with a toddler.

Sleep deprivation
My daughter is 18 months old and has never slept through the night. Well, maybe “never” is too strong a word because I’m sure there has been the occasional 6-7 hour stretch of sleep, but I’m too tired right now to remember when. I know without a doubt that this is my fault. I have always nursed her to sleep, and I have let her sleep in my bed with me. The parenting experts out there are sort of split on the co-sleeping thing, but I believe most experts would agree that nursing your baby to sleep is not beneficial. I know this yet I continue to do it because it’s EASY and it gets her to sleep at a decent hour so I can have my precious alone time from 8:30-10:30pm. This has become particularly problematic for us for the past few months as I am ready for her to wean already so I can have my body back to myself. She doesn’t want to quit. My husband thinks he is being helpful by telling me, “You need to wean her.” I say, “Yeah? Well, as soon as you can rearrange your schedule so that you are home at night to take care of her, I’ll get right on that!”

Parenting a toddler
Unless you have lived with a toddler, you can’t truly appreciate what a huge pain in the ass this stage of development is. It’s like living with a person who has bipolar disorder and who can’t communicate effectively. Here’s one example: The cute little person approaches and points to something on the kitchen counter and says, “Uh uh uh” (which roughly translates into “I want”) and when you innocently offer some Cheerios, the little person may dissolve into a screaming puddle of toddler on the floor because DUH, she wanted a banana! Don’t you understand what “Uh uh uh” means, dummy? Oh, and then there’s also the frustrating thing where she holds her arms up because she wants to be held. So you pick her up and then she wiggles to get out of your arms. As soon as you safely set her back down on the floor, she cries because you aren’t holding her anymore. So you pick her up again so she won’t freaking cry, and she wiggles to get out of your arms, etc. I freaking GIVE UP. And those are just two very small examples (about 2 minutes worth of time) of what she does All. Day. Long. Twenty four seven.

The maddening thing is that her behavior is completely age appropriate and normal. The problem is me. If I have learned anything about myself through my 5 years of motherhood, it is that I don’t enjoy parenting toddlers. I remember this stage with my son very well because I went to my doctor and begged for meds. I don’t know why I get so stressed out over parenting, but I do. Maybe it’s because I think I should strive to be a perfect June Cleaver type of mom and I am failing miserably.

I know I have much to be thankful for. I have been blessed with two beautiful, healthy children. I have a loving husband. I have friends (both online and in real life) and family that I can turn to. We have the basic necessities to get by (food, roof over our head, clothing, etc.). Yet I still find it hard to be happy. Why?

And just so you don’t think we’re all doom and gloom all the time, I’m posting a picture of the kids from this past weekend when we took them to Haunt the Zoo. My cute little pumpkin and Power Ranger (SPD, he had to be the Red Ranger from SPD). I hope everyone has a very Happy Halloween.

The journey to a pair of socks

This past Saturday we went to Texas to celebrate the 90th birthday of the hubby’s grandmother (AKA “Mo”). When we first heard about the party several months ago, I knew right away that I wanted to knit her a pair of socks. I figured if she is anything like my own 90 year old grandmother, she has everything she will ever need or want for her house, but she would probably treasure something lovingly hand-knitted to keep her feet warm during the cold winter months. Plus, I felt pretty safe that nobody else was going to bring the same gift. So socks it was.

I let Hubby go through some of my sock yarn (I wasn’t foolish enough to let him see the entire stash) and he picked out the yarn, handpainted Merino from Sunshine Yarns in a colorway called Violets. This yarn was a gift from KatyaR for Christmas a couple of years ago. Oddly enough, the socks I made for my own grandmother were also made from purple gift yarn from KatyaR.

Once hubby chose the yarn, I had to pick a pattern. I let my MIL go through some of my books and we picked a couple of patterns together. And thus began my journey. I experimented with no less than 5 patterns before I finally decided which one to use for the socks. Some of the patterns were started more than once because I realized that the sock was going to be far too big or small, or I just HATED the pattern. I actually lost count of the number of times I ripped and restarted these damn socks. I have never had this much trouble choosing a pattern before! I finally went to Ravelry and did a search to see what everyone else had made with this same yarn, and I found someone who had the exact same colorway I was using, and I loved the pattern she used and how it looked with the yarn. I knew I had to throw originality out the window and copy this woman or I would never actually make the socks and Mo’s feet would stay cold this coming winter.

The pattern? Sheri’s Lace by Sockbug. Here are the results:

(modeled here by my lovely SIL Lisa's skinny legs)

Even though I was happy with the pattern, it still wasn’t a completely painless process, and I found that I had to pay very close attention to the lace portions, or I would have to rip back a row and try again. Also, for reasons I haven’t been able to figure out, my lace eyelets look much smaller and totally uneven compared to Sockbug’s. Anyone out there know why? I welcome any pointers.

Anyway, Happy 90th, Mo! I hope you and your feet are happy for many more years.

Also, here are a couple of pictures I took from Hubby's uncle's back yard (Lake Ray Hubbard, I love you!):

I think I may want to move. I could definitely get used to this view every day.

Fab Four Meme

Erin tagged me, so here goes…

4 Jobs I’ve Held
Accounts Payable/Receivable Clerk
Commercial Lines Clerk (for an insurance company)
Medical Staff Assistant (for a hospital - HATED that)
Administrative Secretary

4 Films I Could Watch Over and Over
The Princess Bride
Lord of the Rings (any of them)
Harry Potter (any of them)
Pirates of the Caribbean

4 TV Shows I Watch
Lost
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
House
In the summer, I loved USA's Burn Notice

4 Places I’ve Lived
Sorry, I've only got two:
Oklahoma City, OK
Moore, OK

4 Favorite Foods
Mexican food
Pizza
Cheesecake
Ice cream

4 Websites I Visit Everyday
www.bloglines.com
www.ravelry.com
www.cnn.com
www.myspace.com (yes, believe it or not)

4 Favorite Colors
blue
purple
black
pink (only since I had my girl though)

4 Places I Would Love to Be Right Now
The beach
Doing something touristy in Europe
At Disneyworld (sorry, but I am a total Disney whore)
Sitting on the screened in porch of my dream home

4 Names I Love But Would/Could Not Use for my Children
Britney (Is anyone surprised by this?)
Niamh (I think it's actually pronounced "Nev" in Ireland. It's beautiful but the poor child would have to go through life without anyone being able to pronounce her name.)
Mariah (This was actually my great-great grandmother's name and we considered it for our girl, but all I can think of when I see it written is Mariah Carey, and I'm not a big fan.)
Kyle (because of the South Park song)

I'm going to tag KatyaR, Krista, Meira, and Rachel. If you don't want to do it though, no biggie.