Thursday, October 12, 2006

Making my own happiness

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching the past few weeks and I was inspired by a few phenomenal women whose blogs I read to try and be as happy as I can be. It was more or less a conscious decision that I would try to focus more on the positive in life and less on the negative. I wanted to do this mostly to set a good example for my children, but also because it’s damn depressing to dwell so much on the negativity and craziness of this world. And y’all, it’s working. There’s an incredible amount of crap going on in my life right now and instead of drowning in my tears, I’m reveling in the happiness. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments where I’m down or mad, but I seem to be recovering from them more quickly.

For instance, October 5th was our 15th wedding anniversary. The hubby had 15 of the biggest, most beautiful red roses I’ve ever seen delivered to me at work. Here’s a picture:

And while the actual anniversary day was overshadowed by what I will refer to as my husband’s incessant inability to make good decisions, my response to the bad timing of his decisions astonished me. I forgave him almost instantly. Don’t think for one minute that I didn’t voice my opinion and make my feelings on the matter abundantly clear. But afterwards, I found myself unable to stay mad at him because I was too happy to hold on to the anger. Freakish, no? He did make up for it by taking me to dinner and a movie on the weekend and we had a wonderful time. The in-laws came over to watch the kids and we had our first date in months. It was awesome.

I know we don’t have a perfect marriage and frankly, I’ve never seen anyone that does. And there have been many times when I have wanted to throw the dreaded “D” word around. Something has always stopped me. It’s funny but after we had our son I was determined to make it work no matter what because I thought a boy needs his father. Then after our daughter was born I changed my opinion and thought that it would be better to show her that women are strong and don’t need men to make them happy. We really don’t. But we can choose to be with the person that we love despite their faults and make the best of it. That is what I am doing – making my own happiness.


Blogger KatyaR said...

You are an AWESOME woman, and I am so happy to be your friend. I'm very proud of you, too--you manage your family and your job in a way that I envy very much.

Congratulations on your anniversary, and let me know if I need to kick the Husband's butt (what are friends for?).


6:55 PM  
Anonymous Krista said...

Amen, Sistah! I too, have made the commitment to stay with my husband even though I know he could live up to more of his potential and he just doesn't out of laziness. I admire you for 15 years and have found that as I change myself I am more accepting and relaxed about him (probably has something to do with the anti-depressants too). Of course I am perfect in every way except my criticalness--ha ha. Congrats and glad you had such a nice celebration.

3:14 AM  

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